You Are Never Alone

You Are Never Alone – Really – The Power of Empathy

We have all heard ‘You are not alone’ over and over again in our lives.  But sometimes it is so very hard to believe this.   

There are times in our lives that we feel so completely alone or isolated, believing that nobody else can relate, understand or feel what we are experiencing or going through.  I mean I have believed this that at times.  

When I was first diagnosed with gender dysphoria in April of 2021, I felt completely alone and that nobody had ever experienced what I was going through…as I look back I sort of laugh, because how else would I be getting size 14 – 15 boots if no one else had.  

I say that jokingly, but it is an easy example of how right in front of us there is always the evidence that we are not alone, but we do not always open our eyes to see it or believe it.   

So, I am happy to admit when I am wrong and when I think I am alone, I am wrong.  

Yes, in ways nobody ever will truly feel or understand what I feel or what you personally feel, but I have come to really appreciate that while that is true, I or you are and never will truly be alone.   There are always others that have had similar challenges, obstacles, and events along their life journey.   Or that are there with an open heart, open arms, empathy, kindness and love.  

Thus you, me or anyone else is never alone.  In fact, we are always surrounded by others like us who have experienced what we are experiencing or likely far worse.  Sometimes we must open our eyes a bit wider, or look a little further, or reach out, but trust me you will find others.    

As a child and in my teens when I was really going through a lot of struggles with depression and not feeling that I belong, I remember how angry I would get, when someone would say I know how you feel, or I understand how you feel.  It used to absolutely infuriate me.   

As I have moved through my journey these last number of years I have learned that I am not alone, sometimes in unexpected ways, and places, but I have found friends, family, and even strangers that even if our experience is not the same that through empathy, care and compassion I am not alone and never will be, and nor will you be.  

But ah the wonderous effects of maturing and aging, allow me to appreciate now that, yes nobody will ever feel my feelings, but they have felt their own similar feelings and have empathy and compassion.   It is these shared feelings and experiences that we can lean into and take comfort and care from.    After all that is the essence and heart of compassion.  

It is often hard in the darkest of moments to believe this to be true, that there can be anyone else that has experienced or felt the way that you do or have, but oh trust me they are out there.   Whether it is struggles with who you are, a challenge or loss of a relationship, etc etc. you name it someone out there has already experienced it. 

They may not be right there in your home, or not your next-door neighbor, or friend at work, but somewhere they are out there.  In fact, sometimes expecting those closest to us to be the ones that are there for us in the absolute hardest moments is not always the case and that is ok too.   Of course, they love us, but love is not always enough when one is feeling alone, it is the care, compassion, empathy and shared experiences that can help alleviate the feeling of being alone.  

As I was sharing parts of my story recently at a conference attended by hundreds of others like me, I was reminded of how I am not alone, I may be part of a special 1% crowd as I shared with the class that I was teaching but, doesn’t everyone strive to be a part of the 1% anyway.  Because even as part of a 1% crowd you are never alone.